I really don’t know what it is about him that attracts me to him,
He is unlike any of the men I have been with or want to be with,
Each second that passes by makes this attraction I feel for him grow from a bubble to a cloud,
He is not a complete stranger,
We had a fling when we were teenagers out on their own for the first time,
A kiss here and there,
An attempt to make out,
A gentle touch to ignite the flame of desire,
A gentle caress when nobody’s watching,
But never making love.
I liked his charm, the sweet husky melody of his voice,
The soft ruffle of his hair, styled to imitate a teenage hero,
The tattooed arms, a green star on his arm,
The chains around his neck, giving him a tough manly appearance,
A well known figure,
I know we can never be together,
We both want different things from life,
For him a fling is enough to get yourself acquainted with each other,
I need to feel the real thing, the real tingly feeling of having a man all for yourself, someone you can rely on and someone who does not just value your beauty but your thoughts and persona,
My body wants him yet my heart knows I can never have him for myself,
He brings out the wildest of desires within me, wanting to feel the sweet pang of pain combined with pleasure,
I have no love for him, just an attraction, an itch I need to scratch,
His well toned body, those abs
drive me wild,
drowsing my mind with confusion and passion,
Distance separates us in real sense,
But instant messaging brings us closer,
He wants a sexy snapshot here and there,
We talk sexy and dirty,
Like its not me, but a hidden vixen buried within my soul,
Two different individuals,
wanting different things yet tied together.
A merciless fling this is,
Oh! Enigmatic Creature.
You’ll be the death of me.
A sense of dread gradually creeps into my mind,
awakening the fear I have tried to bury deep down in my soul,
forcing me to face the challenge I am not prepared to witness,
urging me to take a leap of faith I am not sure of surviving,
Why does it feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough?
Why does it feel like I am trapped within this world?
Why am I scared of failure?
Why have I lost the ability to joyfully smile and face life?
Why do I hide my real desires frightened of scorn and ridicule?
Why am I scared of what the world might think of me?
I am like an empty canvass
fearful of being ripped and tainted by the extreme galore of colors?
How will I be anything but an empty canvass if this fear fails to diminish from my life?
I often wonder how every instant in my life is clouded by the fear of failing,
I often marvel at how every second I am fearful of going through the worst tribulation,
I am often puzzled by how difficult life is turning out to be day after day,
Just when I feel this is is the worst that could ever happen to me, life throws me into another battle, worst than the former,
Just when I feel I have overcome a serious problem, another is thrown at my head, not giving me the opportunity to recover or evade the blow,
Failed relationships & Heartbreaks,
expecting too much,
everyone wanting a bit of you,
Sickness and Despair,
Sorrow and loneliness
I have been through it all,
How much more am I to endure?
How much more do I have to go through?
Is it never going to end?
When am I going to feel contentment and calm in my life?
When am I going to be genuinely happy with my life?
All the hopes, ambitions, aspirations that I once had
All the dreams and desires I once envisioned for myself
are dulling amidst the chaos of life
All the positivity, bravery, courage
are evaporating into thin air
Everything that I ever wanted is shredding into tiny droplets of despair
Hanging on to suck the breath out of me
Wanting to make me devoid of any kind of hope
forcing me to succumb to anguish and frustration,
leading me to a path of darkness and melancholy,
Igniting an echo that flows endlessly around me,