Shine Bright

 

img1500191868851Does a woman need to be a with a man to have a complete existence? Does a woman really need to have a man in life to survive or give meaning to her life? Does a woman really need to have a man in her life for companionship? Why does a single woman have to be considered a lonely soul? Why does a single woman have to conform to the society’s standard of love and marriage?

I am a 26 year old single woman. I have no issues with my singlehood or the absence of a male love interest in my life. All my life I have wanted to be loved by a man, someone who would sweep me off my feet and love me forever. I still remember during my high school days, how I would yearn to be one of my friends’ who have a guy pursue her and claim she was his love, how I wished my friend was the one who was asked about my likes and dislikes and how they could win me over.

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Alas! That never happened for me. I was the relationship advisor everyone came to ask for help. I was the one who resolved conflicts and love fights. I was the one who consoled broken hearts or buried her feelings because the guy I wanted saw me as just a friend or had feelings for my best friend. Obviously, this crushed my heart but I kept on hoping maybe someday it would be different.

Yes it was different once I grew up and had guys pursue me, very different from what I envisioned love to be. I was used, betrayed, hurt, disappointed and heart-broken. Sounds like cliché, yes. I now realize that I was never happy in those relationships and they were not the best for me. I accepted them for what they were – liars, cheaters, players, egomaniacs who were in love with the idea of making me confirm to what they expected me to be not the real me as I was. I was the next best thing for them – someone who was available when they needed someone the most, the girl who put her desires aside for them, the girl who texted them first thing in the morning, someone who loved them unconditionally and fought with the world and her family for them. But in the end she always turned up hurt, broken-hearted and depressed.

After several heart breaks I realized I actually was so in love with the idea of falling in love that I said yes to the first guy who actually asked me out. I so wanted to feel a sweet kiss on my lips so much that I let the selfish player taint me with his kisses even when it meant nothing to him. I was so desperate for having a guy I could take to meet my parents that I tried to right the wrongs and imperfections a man had when he had no intention of changing for the better. I blamed all the guys who hurt and disappointed me but now I have let it all go. I have no regrets or hard feelings. I am at peace with myself.

I now realize I do not need a man to complete my life. I need to be complete and whole myself before I look for my significant other. There are so many things I can do that do not require my having a boyfriend. I can read my books, go to the library, go for hiking or for dining our discovering myself, growing as a person till I am ready to pursue a relationship.

I have a nice job, wonderful family and friends I can talk to and share my life with. I have dreams and hopes I need to fulfill and achieve before I set out to conquer my heart. I am a star, slightly cracked from all the hardships of life but shining nonetheless. I am a star out to twinkle and explore the galaxies and shine as bright as possible. Most of all, I am for the first time completely content with my independence and freedom, I am seeking self acceptance from within my soul and proud of myself as a woman.

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Yet the world around me has set out to intrude my contentment and independence. You are growing old, you are 26. When will you get married and have kids? Everyone around you is getting married – why don’t you find someone as well? Why are you always reading in a corner? Go out, check the world, meet guys, have fun.

God!!! I am happy just the way I am. I know I am 26 and I do not want to rush into a relationship. I am strong, independent and happy with myself. When love will set in in my life, it won’t be because I am desperate or lonely or because everyone wants me to settle down.  It will be because I am ready, my heart is ready and the one I love is the person I can spend a lifetime with.

Till them I will shine bright, and at times my sparkle may dull or dim a little but I will not stop shining!!!

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