Every time I come across a couple holding hands or gazing into each other eyes’ oblivious of the fact that someone is observing them
Every instant that I happen to see a man eagerly wait for his woman at the gate,
Every time I am forced to attend a wedding or observe my friends falling in love, cuddling next to each other or sweet texting each other,
I feel a pang of jealousy erupt within my soul,
I feel a twinge of pain in my heart,
I realize a deep sense of loneliness lingers within my life and I constantly feel it nagging my thoughts,
I feel this void in my life which may never be fulfilled,
How often have I been in a one-sided relationship where I was the only one devoted and committed to making our relationship work?
How often have I been taken for a fool, waiting for a text or call, waiting for a hug or kiss when it was freely been given to another woman?
How many times have I been told, “You are never enough”
“You are too fat”
“You are too short”
“You are doing this wrong and that wrong”
How many times have I shed tears over heart breaks and humiliating remarks driving my sense of worth at the lowest?
How many times have my achievements been seen as mediocre and worthless when I have worked immensely hard to be where I am?
How many times have I been discarded like a filthy piece of trash for my beautiful friends?
How often have I been compared to my friends, utterly shattering my spirit and self-respect?
How often have I been ridiculed for my opinions and thoughts?
How many times have I been scared of introducing my boyfriend to my friends, fearful of having been dumped?
How many times do I hear my friends complain of not receiving any text or call from their boyfriends? The fights and arguments? The sweet makeup kiss?
I yearn to feel all this. How unfortunate that I never experienced true love nor received even a sincere bit of affection from any of my relationships?
I console myself with the belief that I am better off alone
I smile hoping my heart understands that I no longer believe in a happily ever after or dwell in the hope that there is someone for me
I have had various shades of relationship cocktails and the only worthy flavor I prefer is my relationship with myself.