Plethora of emotions

Sometimes I feel the whole world is out there to get me. No matter what I do or say, the people around me always interpret the situation in accordance to their preference. No matter what I feel or say, they always judge me as being the worst human being on earth. No matter what  the challenge, they always have their own version of how I should have reacted.

No matter what the solution entails, they always have some counter mechanism to fire on how I should have acted. No matter what the scenario is, they always amaze me with the interpretations they come up with to explain my behavior.

No matter what the scenario is, they always amaze me with the interpretations they come up with to explain my behavior.

Whether it’s what I wear, what I say, how I act, sit or walk there is always something wrong with it.

Without any thought or understanding, they use up their precious time to analyze my action and provide their criticism.

I have been through a lot of controversial situations by now to realize that one can never satisfy or please the world. The more you attempt to confirm to the standards the world expects of you, the more you end up emotionally drained and dissatisfied. There is always an extra mark you are yet to achieve with the world. I quit being a people pleaser long time ago when it dawned on me how I focused on making everyone else happy, how I pushed my needs and wants aside for others’, how I continued to hang on to relationships where I gained nothing except emptiness and sorrow.

Yet the wonders of the world never cease.

When I keep quiet enduring all the crap they throw at me I am weak and need to stand up for myself. :Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you talk to me? These sentences are constantly echoed till I block them out.

When I stand up for myself, I am rude and very insensitive. I am selfish and self-centered. I never think of how my words can hurt others and I am ungrateful.

When I dress casually I am old-fashioned and should have been born in the medieval era.

When I dress up with high clanking heels I am seeking attention and wearing provocative attire.

When I am reading I am trying to show off how smart I am.

When I am not reading I am stupid and good for nothing.

When I am dating, I am in love with the wrong guy or I don’t deserve to have such a guy in my life.

If I am not dating, there must be something wrong with me.

At times I have a hilarious moment laughing at the rumors and the stupidity surrounding these situations. It’s like every person has a different scene played out in their minds regarding my life, none of which is correct. At times I learn things about myself that I never knew I was capable.

At other times it hurts me to the extent that I roll up on bed and cry as if the world has come tumbling down on my feet.

I have so much going on in my life – I have work related stress, deadlines to meet, bills to pay. I have dreams and goals set for myself which need my attention. I have family issues I need to attend to. I have pangs of loneliness and fear. I have no room for any additional drama.

I come to a point when I block out all the negativity. I block people on my what’s app, Facebook so I am at peace. I avoid confrontations and seclude myself till I have healed and recovered.

I feel a plethora of emotions at one time and I need a break. It’s how I cope with stress and tension. It’s how I protect myself from getting hurt and depressed.  It’s’ how I deal with negativity. I would rather be alone than with people who only bring me down and make me sad.

Before you make a judgment about me, try taking a walk in my shoes.

Before you make fun of me, try understanding how much it hurts me.

Before you provide unrealistic solutions and explanations for my behavior, try living my life for a few seconds.

And before you unleash curses and demons on my way, try fighting the darkness I already have I my life.

And if you cannot bring a positive feeling in my life at least don’t drive your negativity into my life.

I have neither the luxury nor time to entertain you.

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